It's Been Won

Caught in a blender is what he called it.. like Everclear to an alcoholic.. I.. can't.. help (trouble) but to cause it..
Whether you're with me or against me.. cheeks puffed up in anger - Dizzy Gillespie.. halo bent like you were once touched by Dell Reese..

It's all complementary.

Let your trippin get the best of me.. scantron read wrong like this was a test for me.. you can't fathom my destiny

Child-like.. I'm forever a Toys'R'Us kid.. too strategic and cautious to do stone-cold bids.. love fresh air.. orange jumps suits just don't compare..

Be scared.

I rarely let loose the wrath, ya hear? And if you didn't grasp the jab, let me be clear..

I'll only allow the fuckery for so long.. keep thinking that you're running shit, but you've thought wrong.. whatever it is I possess is nothing shy of strong.. just ask ya man 'cause he's been chasin it all night long.

'CIDAL

Feeling like the walls are positive and negative - a sanctuary and a prison - a magnet of tension.

Can't breathe without counting each breath - they are watched and sought - freshly made nooses with thick knots.

My reserve is wearing so thin - over-bleached cotton - unraveling thread once forgotten.

It'll be the death of me - if I internally release this shout - beware my fatal blackout.

Is it bad that..

It has come down to an ultimatum.. Do I do it or don't I? I couldn't bring myself to diss you.. Because my feelings, they just don't lie..

I'd be flexed out if I said I don't wanna ride. Hell, I sometimes fantasize about you grabbing my hips and caressing my thighs.

It will be on my terms, if only for a night. A time when we could kiss and lick and do whatever we like.

I will warn you though, baby, that I will walk away when it's done. Just don't be feeling salty if I'm gone before the sun.

Playing With Fire

The thrill must be fun for you
How does it taste?
Her jealousy won't wane
Especially if we're in each others' face

She can't deny or stop it
The fire that we make
But being the center of drama
Is something I can't take

My body does react to you
Every inch of me does tingle
It's just that it seems we forget
That neither of us is single

I wanna lay low
Without laying it all on the line
So we'll have to settle for less
Just this one time..

Apologetic After The Storm

It was never my intention to play angel, then devil. I am who I am. Do what I do. Sometimes, I don't pay enough attention to what I SHOULD be doing.

I was reading something tonight about all the dimensions of communication and the correlation of balance. Due to my stifled physical communication and over-stimulation of mental, spiritual, and emotional stimulation, I'm off balance.

My issue is that I chose to relieve that tension at an innocent person's expense. Whether it was worth it or not doesn't even appeal to my remorseful nature. What's done is done. All damage aside, though, I am apologetic for it ONLY because someone got hurt.

Does that make me selfish or accomodating?

I tend to use my actions as a way to get things done while making sure everyone is appeased. I should actually alter my actions to still take care of business, but please me in a non-offensive way instead. But no matter, it seems like there will always be someone offset or suffering because of it and it's usually me.

On some real shit, like a confessional with no clergy -- a lushful admission with no liquor-- I won't be made to feel sorry. To say "I'm sorry," would mean that my character is sorry -- worthless, inadequate, a penny with a hole in it. I AM NOT SORRY, but I am apologetic.